Meet Toxic Pat


Remember that awesome Saturday Nigh Live character - "Pat" - The one you couldn't really ever tell whether Pat was a guy or a woman... Hilarious.

On the dating sites -  you pre-select your gender -  and whatever gender you are looking for - so that takes a little of the guesswork out of the equation - for the most part.

But I noticed some fun things navigating one of these sites recently, looking endlessly for the woman who will tolerate me. It seems that along with the critical information about how many kids you have, and how many pets you love and whether they fly, swim or walk... you also need to indicate just how toxic your life is.

They only list (2) of the addictions found in "Package Stores" ... those stores usually carry all three of the legalized addictive revenue generators for state governments... Booze, Smoke and don't forget Gambling.  Not sure why the dating services don't want to measure those habits -  maybe that's another question elsewhere under hobbies or they didn't have a cool icon for it?

And along with the adjustable icons - you can indicate your personal level of toxicity .. Pat smokes daily - I think there are other levels - pretty rare you see people smoke "Once a Week" ... c'mon - a little rigorous honesty please ... who smokes once a week?

This site lists Drinking as "Never" - Once a Week - Daily - or Special Occasions. Never drinkers are either spiritual and really well balanced - or alcoholics (who have become spiritual and really well balanced). Once a week -  is a little vague - it can be either I have a glass of wine with dinner on Saturday ... or I go out and blackout drink in bars until I vomit on Saturdays ... but only do it "Once a Week".

Daily drinking can be odd - it can be really bad - or it can be that 'one glass' every night to relax... mild low dose toxicity - very manageable - low life impact - and even may be healthy! Then you have the "On Special Occasions" selection -  well for the party person; having a hefty bowel movement is reason enough to celebrate as a special occasion. Funniest are those who select that - and then post 9 out of 10 shots with red "Soho" drink cups or Martini glasses from Disney with the kids to the beach ... I guess life really IS a special occasion -  I think so.

Overall - it just seems odd to me that we as a society find it normal in attempting to find a life partner that we match up certain things ... proximity, children, ages, likes... try to envision life with another via a web site... guys trying to understand ballroom dancing, doing yoga... searching key words like football and fishing when looking for a soul mate. Yet in that match up -  we also try to determine just how polluted the other person is ... if they consume a airborne or liquid addictive substance ... how much do they do - how often -  will it affect my kids - or will my new girlfriend eat my goldfish in that 'Once a Week' blackout stupor?  I suppose you need to know those things if that's the person you are looking for?

Hey -  it's personal preference - I quit smoking 20 years ago - drinking 2 years ago -  eventually I will give up dating sites I hope - they don't have an icon for that either.  :-)

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