Showing posts from 2014


"Recovery!" the announcer screamed ... 
That tense moment when an active thing is floating around and it is finally secured and given a more positive direction towards a goal...

Yeah -  you know me too well - this is not a football blog -  although I do love the Steelers - and it was good to watch Ben in recovery a few years ago -  drunk and very publicly humiliated - his family, his team kicked his butt a bit - now he has his better direction after he fumbled in a big way. He hurt his team, franchise, fans and more, humbled in a big (Ben) way - he is recovering from those mistakes. He learned and moved on.

Recovery can be quick and easy to get - or -...
People trip and recover before falling, bumble a fragile object and catch it before it breaks - we say 'great recovery'... we've done that ourselves - sometime successfully - or not.

People catch the flu, and we wish them a speedy recovery. We've 'been there' most likely, understand the pain - can ha…


I knew it first as simply the capital of one of the smallest states with not much to claim for fame or glory. A place to pass through on the way to a more desirable location.

In a time of emotional darkness - the physical location of Providence became a personal refuge of love and hope. I gained understanding of independence, and the start of a journey into a new life of spirituality. I learned from someone strong enough to let me go ... as hard as that was ... letting go was the only way to free me from decades of ignorance and a helped to eliminate void that was consuming me.

 In celebrating Thanksgiving ... the compound word of Thanks and Giving.... yes, it is a thanks for giving. It is through giving that we receive the most in life. In the past few days, I have heard dozens of stories of gratitude. All shared the commonality of a deep sense of spirituality - and a different "Providence" ... the protective care of God as a spiritual power.

That pure spirituality require…

Meet Toxic Pat

Remember that awesome Saturday Nigh Live character - "Pat" - The one you couldn't really ever tell whether Pat was a guy or a woman... Hilarious.

On the dating sites -  you pre-select your gender -  and whatever gender you are looking for - so that takes a little of the guesswork out of the equation - for the most part.

But I noticed some fun things navigating one of these sites recently, looking endlessly for the woman who will tolerate me. It seems that along with the critical information about how many kids you have, and how many pets you love and whether they fly, swim or walk... you also need to indicate just how toxic your life is.

They only list (2) of the addictions found in "Package Stores" ... those stores usually carry all three of the legalized addictive revenue generators for state governments... Booze, Smoke and don't forget Gambling.  Not sure why the dating services don't want to measure those habits -  maybe that's another question…

The meaning of T.I.M.E.

I play Bass in a band calle T.I.M.E. - an acronym for Together It's More Enjoyable ... To most, we are just a decent slightly beyond middle aged band – playing a few originals, some cool new songs, and some tired dance music from over 30 years ago. Very few know our full stories; almost none know mine.

I heard about the band at an Open Mic at a Recovery Club… I was flipping burgers after six or so months into a walk back from the gates from hell. That cold October night, body weak from weeks of self inflicted malnutrition and intense 24/7 death wish insanity, drinking (self medicating) to ease depression, loneliness and fear. I prayed that night, like so many prayers – God chose not to grant my wish… I lingered and cheated death… barely …and the ambulance came. I lived – another selfish prayed denied by my cruel God.

Thirty five years of partying and what I cam to understand as an addiction and eventually losing everything… were over. Finally! How did it hapen? I don’t know. Why… …


A friend of mine was going back for an additional degree and a career change after her divorce. She had (3) night classes , and spent many hours doing projects and studying for classes. That made sense to her, but she seemed puzzled by all of my nighttime activities, non official academia ... she is right - I am involved in a lot of different things.

However - when I stepped back to analyze myself as I do often... I realized how similar our lives really were. It's all about learning.

We were both involved in getting educated in aspirations of helping others, Hers is a much more formalized program, designed along a specific goal and career path. Mine... well a lot more ad-hoc.. towards an eventual gradual career change, but when you look at what I am doing as a diverse curriculum of education, it's actually remarkably similar and very positive.

Here is my LifeSkule cirriculum -  5 Classes Right Now
------------------------------- Advanced Introspection  405 Gain experience from…

Health and Denial

This could be a book ... a career.

In my role as publications printer, we see a lot of health and wellness magazines, promoting healthy living and lifestyles. Many of them target women's health. A female friend in her 40's on the dating circuit recently shared with me how it seems women in that age range seem to take better care of themselves.. (Due to more reading of the healthy magazines I print and less sports TV I guess?,,, just saying guys -  get off the couch!)

In my role running, the educational side of Bills Blend Coffee, I see the devastating global impact of alcohol on women's health. I felt compelled to share a few observations...

In looking at Men / VS / Women statistics on excessive drinking habits, something popped out. Many countries where women are still oppressed show large signs of alcohol abuse in women, but the men didn't even make the chart. Arabic countries, Africa ... very high alcohol abuse among women, I would assume…

State vs State

In doing some research for a site I run, I came across an article about Casino's in PA. They were talking about loosening controls, cutting costs by reducing the amount of police, and allowing liquor sales well past 2AM in the morning.

Along with keeping people drunk longer, they wanted more freedom to allow greater cash advances, cash 3rd party checks easier and allow more access for people to get money they can't afford to spend, while under the influence of alcohol, almost 24/7.

They were doing this, citing declines in profitability due to competing states Casino's which had easier laws. Apparently thinking nothing of the people and their health and well being.

Our States are KILLING us!

In the US - collectively, well over 80,000 people a year die from alcohol related illnesses. That number grows substantially when you add in motor vehicle deaths. The fiscal tool is well over 224 Billion dollars in the US annually.

In my state, the sale of alcohol has slowly crept from…


A great album by one of my favorite bands - a turning point in their history where they stuck to their principles and beliefs and said screw you to the record producers, and did what they felt was right.

They produced another side lone story of a guy who fought against the establishment - I won't give away the ending - but as a band -  they won ... huge!

It makes me wonder what a century forward and what 2112 will actually look like. how much more we will evolve ... before we go there -  lets look back.

1912 - a short century or so ago ... we were not very bright ... first world war was starting, women were 2nd class citizens, we drank soda made with cocaine and doused our kids with Mrs Wilson's syrup to get them to sleep - made with pure morphine. Frontal lobotomies were common. Blacks and other minorities had next to zero rights and were heavily oppressed.

But we thought we were brilliant -  cars, airplanes, electricity industry ... so much more. we were MUCH better off tha…

Pair a Dockses

It's a Paradox that life is full of paradoxes, and you don't really know it until you experience one. Where what seems to make sense is the wrong thing to do, and the other way around.
A classic medical example is cancer. The paradox is that you are sick with a disease, so you should be made to feel better. Wrong. The only way we know how to battle cancer is to make you feel worse, a lot worse. To almost kill you with toxins and radiation, so that the cancer may die ... and you may live.
On a more spiritual level - the paradoxes read something like:
"When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into new light..." Daily Reflections

That quote is from a drug and addiction recovery book, where like cancer, the same rules apply. 
You can run along in life, mildly tox…


Neknominate is the new on-line crazeI guess you would call it.
I call it crazy.

A rough description: A kid - usually college, dares another to drink an amount of booze, they video tape it and put it on YouTube. Basically a lot of the stupidity found in college dorms, and frat houses, now posted on an escalated global scale with equally large pressure to 'perform'.

The wires announced a fifth kid died from it this weekend, after guzzling a few pints of Gin and claiming 'who's the boss?'.

Ego pumped testosterone filled young bucks under the peer pressure of global eyes to drink to the point of near death, and in five cases as of this writing, a little beyond near death. Over 1500 College kids die each year already due to alcohol related causes. They don't need global encouragement and enticing.

One of the first things I saw coming in over the wires too was a "call for legislation" controlling YouTube, Putting filters on things like this, not allowing it. …

Volume Control

It's been hard and interesting to understand how a guy with a pretty good career, three wonderful kids, would be inclined to drink into oblivion and give up on life.

I had been unhappy for a long time in my life. I never 'accepted' the things I could not change and moved on. I had trouble focusing on the positive elements in life, being grateful for what I had.

My stress management tool kit, it was small. Mostly a medication I took often, but in modest doses all along my life journey for decades. It is called alcohol. When life was good, and stress was not so bad, it fit well, I functioned well. When things got bad in my head, every day, every month, every year... the need for more medication arose.

So in traveling down the life highway, I suddenly find myself sideswiped by the (metaphorical) alcohol truck. Major losses, almost dead, stunned ... asking 'what the hell just happened"?

Spirituality and inner peace were missing in my life. Human beings strive towards…

Mental Rental

A guy in his early twenties, I will call him Mitch, wise beyond his years, shared this story.

He said he was at work, and arguing with another person. Mitch was getting visibly upset over what seemed to be a senseless engagement, The first person just seemed to like to push Mitch's buttons and get him riled up. After it was over, another co-worker of Mitch's came up and asked him a question....

"How much rent is he paying you?" Mitch looked puzzled and said only "huh"? His friend expanded the question fully... "How much rent is he paying you for all that space he is taking up in your head?"

In an instant, Mitch knew what he was talking about. He had been consumed with this person, they were always on his mind, always under his skin, and for no reason. All of the arguments were pointless, the topics were meaningless. the other person was engaging Mitch, only because he took the bait and engaged back. He was able to torment him continually, arguing…